After a month of hiatus and I am coming back here, looking forward and pressing onto the race I am already in. No doubt I am still in the mourning process of losing my dad. However God’s grace and mercy lifted me up on a day I thought I couldn’t face another day of pain anymore. He answered my prayer in such a sweeping speed.
After the funeral and burial, I was so out of sort walking like a zombie and I tried to pray, yet no words came to my lips but streams of tears replaced all uttering sound. On Nov 16, a Monday morning, I sent Paul and Heather down to the hotel breakfast place and I craved for some quiet time spending with God alone with whom I can just utter my pain and ache in my heart without the fear of waking Heather up at night when I cried. I sobbed non-stopped and I finally prayed to God that I ought to walk out of this dark valley with His help, I didn’t want to stay in that mental condition going back and forth the regrets I felt, in a condition where I keep rewinding the moments I spent with him last summer. I prayed that I ought to experience my heavenly Father’s pushing and moving my heavy footsteps out of this miry clay to a place where He has prepared for me. All of a sudden, Cambodia and Ratanak surfaced in my mind. God reminded me that is the vision and mission that He placed in my life earlier this year. He had proved so many times that He wants to use me to the utmost for His people in Cambodia. Throughout the past 11 months, I had experienced the power of prayers, the solidarity standing amongst the rest of the core group, interceding for and crying over each girl’s plight, standing in the gap, speaking up on their behalf in so many ocassions. I personally witnessed their strong faith that could move mountains and literally save lives from satan’s grip. I claim onto all these promises and His shown faithfulness, I claim that God will take me out of this messy miry clay and not allow my mind to go back to the scene of saying goodbye to my dad. I prayed to God to once again to set my eyes on the vision and mission He placed in my life, dare i say, the rest of my life as I committed my whole life to Him again. I prayed to God that may He use my suffering as a fragrant offering to Him as this is all I could offer now and all i have left. I prayed that please please to show me to make some good out of the current suffering to serve Him, to offer Him my breath and life to Him in a context where He puts me. That was Nov 16 morning, 8:30am.
Rewinding back to Nov 13, a Friday, few days after the funeral, I spent probably half an hour meeting up with a friend and conversation led to Cambodia and Ratanak’s work. She was so gripped by what is happening over there and the work of Ratanak. The following Monday, the same Monday I prayed the above prayers, she called me up and invited me to speak at her church. Her church is hosting an ongoing full time discipleship program for all ages who determine to set aside a year of time to devote their minds in the Word and prayers (such discipleship program is run by ANHOP – All Nations House of Prayers). My friend is one of the teachers who is in charge of the discipleship program and she has about 35 interns attending her class. That very week they are covering the power of prayers. My friend thought instead of keep talking about the passage, the work of Ratanak and how prayers had been the backbone of the foundation could bring encouragement and practicality to the interns. That Monday afternoon, she called me up and asked whether I am comfortable sharing about the work of Ratanak and most of all what is in the heart of God for these children. It was only 4 hours difference between the prayer I prayed that morning and the answer God lavished upon me. Of course I jumped at the opportunity. Yet I also knew all I could offer was my heart as I had not brought any materials with me but a few brochures and Ratanak DVD documentary (I didnt even realize I packed those thing in my luggage). Therefore I frantically contacted Lisa for more matarials. I was able to make photocopies of the toolkit for distribuation in the class. Neither did I know, M’s powerpoint was somehow saved in my little notebook and I just realized that I had another material to show to the class at very last minute. It was a 2-hour long sharing. The whole class was stunned with tears and the sharing was ended by another hour long of prayers. How they prayed shooked the whole room. They were loud, they were on their knees with tears. They repented how they had been so oblivious about the pain of others. They prayed for the girls, prayed for Newsong, prayed for the Sanctuary, for Brian and his family, for Cambodian government, pray for the traffickers, they even prayed for me and my family that we should keep our voices loud to speak up for the children and ask God to bring fruit to our work, for opened doors and that God would walk before each one of them. Neither did they know the reason I was in HK was for my dad’s, neither did they know that I prayed that very prayer the day before. How they prayed gave me bone chill and I was comforted strangely by the loudness of their prayers, I heard the soft voice of our God, “there you are my child, this is my answer to you.” They also committed to pray for Cambodia and Brian’s work and his family on an ongoing basis and urged me to give them a frequent update on projects and all. I pointed them to Ratanak Facebook group and the website, yet they would rather for me to summarize in email format for them so they can host prayer meeting on a monthly basis for Cambodia. Again, I don’t know what will come out from this divine opportunity to share with these 35 interns plus their pastoral team and discipleship ministry head. I have faith that all are in the hands of God and He will multiply.
It is definitely an answered prayer in a speed my mind cannot fathom. That God once again proves He is faithful to the end and He is such a sovereign God that He even stoop down and listen to my (who am I really???) cries and frustration and grants me peace and joy, yes even joy, in the midst of my grief and pain losing my dad. I rest my soul in peace too knowing His timing is the best. Psalm 131 comes to me like a flood :
1 My heart is not proud, O LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me. 2 But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
3 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.
Indeed my soul is quiet and still like a weaned child. The grieving pain has stopped pinching me like a sharp needle, it brings me to His faithfulness and that I shall rest in Him, I shall rejoice always, pray ceaselessly and give thanks in all circumstances. Again, as my pastor wrote to me, all these experiences will only bring the best out of me for His glory. Isn’t that what Perspectives has been teaching us, everything is for His glory, but nothing else.