It all happened in a span of a few hours. I recalled what I encountered last night after only about 30 minutes long of skype call about some upcoming Ratanak events that need attention and lots of learning and digesting and understanding. I found myself walking out of the call E-N-E-R-G-I-Z-E-D despite it was already well into the night of deep. I found myself skipping a few steps when I went downstairs to the kitchen to give Paul a big grin. My voice pitched a key or 2 higher when I tucked Heather to bed, reading her Hebrews 11:1. It was like my inner being was bursting out with joy. My mind was reeling through all the details of the phone call. They all sounded very dry in nature: the budget, the branding, the policies, the protocols!! All about the details(!!), the immaculate details that are crying out on my journal that need to be translated out of the code (ie. my wormy and loopy handwriting) into orderly bullet points for one to see and to digest. Yet those immediately were forming out of its foamy shapes into each of those faces that I cupped literally in my palms or also prayerfully in my heart. Real people, real lives, real circumstances, yet I am also serving a real loving, real breathing, real Living God. I have no words to explain that joy bursting and pounding and squeezing blood into my heart. I grinned non-stoppedly last night, so did Paul. He was strangely giddy, too, last night after I briefly “debriefing” him what was in the skype conversation and all that are anticipated in the next 12 months. It felt like anything can trigger the giddy joyful button and there wasn’t any other way to stop as it kept streaming and streaming in us.
Then this song found its way to explain for myself. Ahhhhhhh ….
“Jesus you’re the well/That won’t run dry/Jesus you’re the drink/That satisfies/
Living water spring of life/Jesus you’re the well/That won’t run dry”
As we went into the time of prayer last night. I didn’t have much words either. Everytime when I sensed a straight, crisp, underlined space of blank in my head, I know the Holy Spirit was about to take over the time, my being, my words, my visions, my mind. I knew I was beckoned to follow Him to places where He was about to lead me to. I was in total inarticulate. Simply no words but only sluggish words of opening the prayers with a sigh, yet my heart was full of little pockets in which songs of praises were filling up to the brim. I had such full confidence in the Lord for L and SN and L and P and C and S as we interceded with their names forming on our tongues and lips, with their faces on our minds and thoughts. Construct their names on the basis of knowing and trusting our Lord God who saves and restores is powerful!! How so easy to be dragged to the dry ground with piercing pain in our hearts thinking the horror that these children face day after day, week after week, year after year. Some we are still waiting for the news of their whereabouts and hopeful returning. Yet my sweet Lord Jesus led me to the green pasture lying down, resting in Him. My peripheral vision can only allow me to see what I am called to do faithfully. All of us in this ministry has its own share of burden in different context and different degree of complexity. I sure know what are they in my case, yet they don’t belong to me nor anyone, other than our sweet Lord Jesus. I flopped them down to His feet. The easefulness of knowing He is in control is inevitable, it feels like a flight of down feather on my shoulder.
The song was still playing in my ear. How sweet the sound, how sweet to be tugged under His arms, believing and trusting and knowing!!! Such strong sense of His presence like a gigantic iron ball anchored firmly on the ground, unshakable, immovable!! (bursting out a giddy joyful laugh just by thinking about it!!) It was not like the heavy burden iron ball, but the solid ground of foundation that my feet is rooted in, inpenetrably. We are strongly and firmly standing on it. Here it came again, how sweet the sound, how sweet to be tugged under His arms!!
There came another song in my heart, but I have no words for it .. but the sound is sooo sweet!! (How many times have I written the word “sweet”?)
Finally I thought I might have an inkling that may be. That may be the wee sound of heaven, not wee in volume (but rather in opposite). It was wee sound to me because my ability to contain its exubuerance and hugeness and largeness is w.e.e. The praise is strong and loud and victorious!! How sweet the sound, how sweet to be tugged in His arms!!
Psalm 103 delivers in exact motion and emotion of this sweet sound that I heard.
1 Praise the LORD, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
15 The life of mortals is like grass,
they flourish like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD’s love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children’s children—
18 with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.
19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.
20 Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.
21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.
How sweet the sound, how sweet to be tugged under His arms!! It is with such confidence that I am able to approach Him with all these lives that we are entrusted with to intercede for and to speak out for. It is with such confidence with my heart snatched raw in His hands for Cambodia that I am able to trust in His reign and His rule and His authority and His kingdom reigns forever and ever and His name to which we praise forever and ever!! Amen!!