… “But how?” …

A foggy and rainy day today, it’s my type of the day.  Looking outside while I was riding the GO train home allowed me to have 20 minutes of uninterrupted silence, lingering in thoughts in which I am far far far away from where I physically am.  I cannot hear the train ambassador’s routine announcement.  I care less how many gift bags the passenger sits across me has under and around my feet.  She keeps saying, “sorry”.  I keep saying, “don’t worry!”.  For my heart is singing!!  The Christmas season approaching doesn’t really stop me from thinking about Cambodia.  People taking time off grumbling about buying gifts or busy parking lot at the mall don’t for a minute distract me from not thinking about what I did and saw in Cambodia almost a year ago.  In fact as people start to count down the days to Christmas, my heart flies even further away from the physical city where I am at.

I am home flopping down my bags to the floor, and I hear H,  “We are night time here, it means it’s day time in Cambodia!”  I know not the context of their conversation.  I smile.  My heart searches for its depth yearning to know what is gripping one’s heart, too, for this nation.  5 weeks ago as I shared briefly about SN.  We promised to pray together for this little girl.  I said we need to help her. Asked, “But how?”  I answered, “By praying!”  Answered, “I could do that!”  Out a piece of blank paper and started to draw with a spread of markers.  I didn’t pay much attention.  After a while, came and asked “How to spell her name?”.  There was a picture of SN.   Right across the top of the drawing says, “This is SN at school”  SN was sitting in a classroom, having her arms raising up high, her back was facing us.  A teacher was standing and teaching. There are words on the blackboard “Math. Art. Spelling”

Last Saturday, the Ratanak core group was in our house celebrating Christmas, we laughed and we ate (a lot!!) and we talked.  I ushered one of my dearest friends to the mantel and showed her the drawing.  In our hearts, SN is one precious one.  Her life changed the direction and the depth of my heart in ways I could not possibly imagine, let alone for this nation and for its people.  It has been 3 years now, I realized I not only am called to pray and to speak, I am also called to intercede in ways that are far beyond my heart could handle, that my faith is constantly required to increase in proportion with what He allows me to see. It is difficult as the level of evil and uncertainties continue to increase, yet my faith has no choice but to increase accordingly to fight against the proportion of the evil, yet the Lord in return blesses us with so much more as we intercede in ways so heavily gripping with pain and sorrow.  But if she is not personal to me, why even bother if it doesn’t hurt like she is one of mine?  As I look across the room watching streamers scattered by clowns in a circus, my Lord reminds me that “This is my design and my plan for you.  You cannot pray into a stack of statistics. You cannot pour your heart into a pile of numbers in millions. You can only pray into one, you will call upon my name, and I will answer, then one circumstance changed, one life transformed, one child restored.  One at a time.  You may never feed 5000 in one sitting, but you can feed 5000 one meal at a time.”

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