… late have I loved you …

For those who know me (and know me well, ie. my husband especially), I am pretty good at remembering dates, your birthday, your anniversary, all kinds of dates somehow find their places to be stored, and every year, my mind would be spreading a road map reminding me of all these dates of significance.

There is a date that will always creep into my heart every year, and it is coming up soon. 3 years ago on this very day, my heart was ripped apart into pieces. I remember Pastor Sunder once said, “there are 2 significant days in your life: the day when you were born; and the day you realize why you were born.” January 16, 2009 was the day of the latter. I realize my heart was burnt opened leaving a hole knowing why I was created and put on this earth and given breath and life at this very time and space.  For Cambodia which I had no knowledge of, let alone with love and with sorrow.  3 years later, where I am and what I do right now is His promises given to me that I was born on this earth to fan the fire for people in Cambodia until it is raging out of control and no power of the enemy can stop it.   I wouldn’t have awakened to that call on my life if I had not sat through that 2 day conference with the growing love and sorrow mingled together for the nation of Cambodia.

As of late, the Lord keeps taking me back to the original vision that He gave me  3 years ago, He keeps bringing me home, a home that He set aside for me to feel comfortable in, and reminding me through His words, “Rend the heavens, and come down”, these 6 very words dazzled me for days and weeks in that very wintery January when we sought His face and His answer without a visible shore line.  We swam, we flipped, we kicked, we dived into the ocean of His love for Cambodia.  He opened our eyes, our hearts, our floodgates of tears, our verbal and non-verbal capability to intercede, we held hands in prayers, we had no words to groan for Cambodia anymore, we were given His words to fill in the blanks that only His heart and His salvation and His power could be the only population.  He is the One, True, Living God.  We are His people.  He is our Lord God.  Khmer people are His people. He is their Lord God.

Faith finds comfort in the power, in the goodness, in the purpose of God.  And I find comfort knowing I am walking on this journey of Faith, finding comfort in His power, in His goodness, and in His purpose, for this nation.  For Cambodia.  For the people who are in it.  For the people who feel dreaded to go back after 30+ years.  For the people who has no state of citizenship under the Kingdom of Cambodia, yet their citizenship is in the Kingdom of God.

Late have I loved you

O Beauty so ancient and so new,
late have I loved you!
You were within me, but I was outside,
and it was there that I searched for you.
In my unloveliness I plunged into the lovely things which you created.
You were with me, but I was not with you.
Created things kept me from you;
yet if they had not been in you they would not have been at all.
You called, you shouted, and you broke through my deafness.
You flashed, you shone, and you dispelled my blindness.
You breathed your fragrance on me;
I drew in breath and now I pant for you.
I have tasted you, now I hunger and thirst for more.
You touched me, and I burned for your peace.

The Confessions of St. Augustine


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