Starting this blog 3 years ago was solely out of my hesitating attempt to document my heart journey for Cambodia for the sake of updating my friends and family about this “precious stone” that the Lord gave me. I still prefer looping my thoughts on my journal, but typing them out catches more before they slip away. They often came to me in an email asking for updates and prayer requests. Paragraphs after paragraphs after paragraphs I would write, well, how can I not as writing to me is like thinking with my fingers! When God took me by the hand and showed me Cambodia, I needed to do a lot of thinking and understanding. All of a sudden nothing is making any sense ever since. When you are getting your fingers and hands dirty as you create, you would go dabbing a spot here and dabbing a spot there, and you would never thought those dabbing here and there are the basic components of the final piece you ended up with.
The work that the Lord prepared for me, the final piece of art that He holds up before my eyes as the finishing piece. That’s what I have as of late; the finishing piece (i know it is only one of the many to come!). A finishing piece of experiencing His hands on my shoulders. He squared them, He propped them up, He armoured them, He soothed the pain, He patted them. I heard Him saying to me, “Jessy, you have known those words and have traced those faces for many times and you remember them by heart already. You don’t even need your notes to cheat your eyes, because your heart sees more than your eyes can see.” My Lord is right. My notes sat on my lap, untouched for the first time, as I delivered the presentation about Cambodia, about the plight of its children. It’s the Lord who delivered it in that meeting room. The pin-drop silence filled the room, it was then I know it’s the Holy Spirit who gripped their hearts.
I was reading Isaiah 46 the day before the meeting and it came to me as such harsh words to hear, but I know if I don’t trust Him and trust anything other than Him, that’s a big deal and that I cannot bear to see myself getting help from all fronts (a dearest friend offered to come with me, my dearest husband offered to drive me, and many others whom I know are lifting me up in prayers) but refuse His and His is more than enough. Speaking of my amazing HUSBAND, have I written about that already? Paul said he wished he could do more for me. I said, “You are doing so much already. Loving me, no yelling in the house (which I got accustomed to when I was a kid), no sobbing behind the closet (which I also got accustomed to when I was a teenager), no blaming, always supporting, praying over and for and with me, feeding me food, making me tea and coffee, not waking me up when I am snoring away and you thought, ‘where is that bass sound coming from?’ trusting in me, turning my weakness and faithlessness into something for you to love and embrace.” I am weak, so weak. I have so many things He bless me with, all that I care about is afraid of driving on the 401 under a potential mix of rain and snow and crazy drivers, and of course afraid of talking to people (go figure as I once was an extreme introvert!). He trusted me with this responsibility by doing my part for Him, for SN, for C, for L, for S, for SV, for P, for all the littles ones that He entrusted me to speak up for. Oh Lord, those faces, those sweet faces are breathing under my nose.
In piles of emails, there is one standing out amongst the many, he wrote,
“God would take us a long way when we would only love.”
That’s what keep him going after all these years of persevering through trials and disappointments, anguish and frustrations, sometimes at the verge of punching the bad guys. Yet it is the Lord who would take us a long way when we would only love. He doesn’t require us to do anything, all that He requires us is to love, love without judgment, love without condition, love even those who harm the children (I don’t think I can do that yet!), what a timely reminder!! He is right, and what do I have is usable in His sight if I have not love? Love for the Lord, and love for Cambodia, I know not what else I have in me to continue on to do this. Everyday is a daily stripping away of my will and my fear, so His can take over and fill me up. I wrote on my journal years ago
“I dare to ask You, Lord, can I do this for life? Is that what You are calling me to do for the rest of life? Can I be their voices when theirs are muffled and stifled?”
I think the Lord answered me with a big grin,
“Your prayers are answered, now why the fear?”
The day before the presentation, this devotion came to my inbox.
No Fear In God’s Dwelling Place – Psalm 91:9-16
even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent
Yes, you will have to confront obstacles and be an overcomer. Some of the strongest obstacles are the lies that the enemy wants you to believe.
Your adversary is the father of lies.
Take your stand in confidence that you will tread upon the roaring lion and the serpent, the ancient foe, because Jesus already defeated him.
You are a covenant son/daughter of God Most High. Be bold, be free, and take your rightful authority in your Protector.
Remember the character of your Father: God of all grace, Righteous Judge, Holy One, Compassionate and Faithful One, God of the impossible. Your birthright is to live in honor, dignity, and authority in Jesus’ name. You are on kingdom business every day everywhere you go under God’s orders. You represent your King as you carry out his kingdom business.
You can speak to God like this: “I am your covenant child, Most High God. I draw close to you. I dress myself in the armor of light. I plead the blood of Jesus over myself, my family, and my friends. I stand in the promises of Psalm 91. With Jesus Christ, my covenant-keeper at my side, the adversary has no authority over me, my family, my friends, or anything that touches my righteous jurisdiction. I will take my stand in the authority that is my heritage in Jesus’ name.”
God answers you with his promises in Psalm 91:14-16.
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”