Tonle Sap Lake … Feb 2011 … © jessy
The tensed-up nerve, as I walked into every single speaking engagement, be it a classroom, an auditorium, a small coffee shop, someone’s home, are all wrung altogether. For if they don’t hold on tight with one another, my entire framework of sinew and bones and muscles would collapse and sprawl across the floor where I stand. The intensity of carrying that message of hope followed by an account of His redemption and restoration is making interesting music on my body. Sweaty hands in one minute, freezing cold the next. Shoulders are all squared and knotted. Head is popping out of my upper torso as if it would fall off the ground in any minute. Parched tongue and lips that cry out for water, any drips of water. My legs seem steady yet they are shaking underneath the garments. Greetings of welcome is on my lips but they are not sound bytes in their ears, but the echo of His heart bouncing off the walls under my chest bone that gives me a rhythmatic bass kick every time I breathe in and out. It hits me every single time, that I can predict its coming at certain interval, at a predictable countdown of each presentation. It hits like the undercurrent of the river that brings movement and life to the surrounding biome and habitats!! It rages against inertia. It bejewels with aliveness, with active absorbing and releasing of activities which not only spur the hearts of many people, but in fact fans the flame in my own heart which He broke and numbed in immense pain years ago for Cambodia and for my own healing. Not knowing what to do with the numbing pain, I stayed in wrestling with the One who is truly able to stand tall and strong in combatting my nagging accusations. In silence. In tears. In audible outrageous anger. In complete failed hopelessness. In total resolved acknowledging WHO is the Master and who is the servant. WHO is the Creator and who is the creature. WHO is the All-Powerful, All-Knowing and who is the little teeny tiny me who in total unbeknown to even demand an answer. WHO is the King of all kings and who is the clay in His hands. He who answers in His all fullness of creativity and His all completeness of beings, to breathe life and build in me a steel-strong fortified city to stand firm without me knowing what to stand firm against in the beginning of times. Immovably and unwaveringly standing even after all that I have done seem to no avail, what I am simply called is to continue to stand. To stand in the long road of obedience in the same direction. No what-ifs. No just in case. He demands my all, my life, my whole counsel to serve Him.
We heard this story being told again on Easter Sunday. A writer wrote this,
“I remember my first visit to Old Faithful in Yellowstone National Park. Rings of tourists surrounded the geyser. A large, digital clock stood beside the spot, predicting the next eruption. My wife and I passed the countdown in the dining room of Old Faithful Inn. When the geyser went off, we tourists oohed and aahed and clicked our cameras; a few spontaneously applauded. But, glancing back, I saw that not one single wait staff looked out the huge windows. Old Faithful, grown entirely too familiar, had lost its power to impress them.”
What makes tourists travel thousand miles to come and see for themselves the greatness of the Old Faithful geyser eruption in every 80 minutes? What makes the wait staff, who works in the inn nested among this wonder of the world, care less of it all? What stands between these group of people, one who has utter eagerness and anticipation of the wonder and awe, one who has lost all the taste buds and nerve to take delight in it?
In all these years of serving with Ratanak and delivering the message of His work of redemption in Cambodia (and also in us) to different crowds of people, all kinds of dreams for this nation are vividly playing out in my alone time with the Lord and in my subconscious mind. They come to me at times in a mix of haunting and halting!
When, only a few days ago, one asked about Cambodia or challenged me how my faith convinced to every fibre of my being that He is going to come and set things right, I could feel blood boiling and whistling like a scorching kettle on the stove. I answered, “By breathing out cries for the deepest mud of such atrocities of this nation, by standing close and breathing in the same room with those who are hurting, you are standing right in front of the erupting geyser when you see two extremities between a thin divider of your heart-wall. You can join the Creator God who allows you to see His wonderful acts of justice and mercy like geyser eruption. His love for us all by clinging onto a wooden cross for you and for me, for the little ones in Cambodia, for those who are ostracized and brutalized, is not at all predictable, but is approachable and is accessible to those who call upon His name. I have seen my “Faithful God” bursting in action (not in a rhythm of every 80 minutes) but in His beautiful way of not only bursting out in erupting water and steam, but at work in the heavenly realms that we as living creatures will never be able to understand but have the privilege to join in and be mesmerized and continue to stay anticipating to see the Old Faithful bursting and shooting feet high off the heated ground. I would choose to stay in that Old Faithful Inn, leaning on the glass-paneled window, anticipating to see Him bringing home the lost sheep who is now out there struggling, who is in pain, who is wrestling, who is still fighting.”
This is my prayers for you whose names are carved in His palms. You, dear daughters of the King, come home, we are waiting for you to come home!!
::: Isaiah 40:9-11 :::
::: You who bring good news to Zion,
go up on a high mountain.
You who bring good news to Jerusalem,
lift up your voice with a shout,
lift it up, do not be afraid;
say to the towns of Judah,
“Here is your God!”
10 See, the Sovereign Lord comes with power,
and he rules with a mighty arm.
See, his reward is with him,
and his recompense accompanies him.
11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.:::
And glorify Your Name