… it’s a gift …

The world stood still when a mother shared with us the pain festering in her heart losing her child.

I was sitting and leaning towards her trying to catch every tone in her voice, hoping to cup all her sorrows for a later time when I could barge right into the Lord’s presence and wiggle some whys out of our Sovereign Lord’s arms.

The sorrow filled full the air with heads bowing down listening and breath being inhaled and exhaled out gently with an intent of not disturbing her train of thought recalling each of the painful details.

She was in pain, yet the Lord opened her up including those pain to reach out to many others who also suffered such unimaginable of losing a child.

“It’s a gift,” she recalled, “it is a gift that I don’t wish for you all here.  But it’s a gift from the Lord.”

Our pastor went even further, “It’s Kingdom advancement.  What the Lord puts you to do is Kingdom advancement.”

When pain turns into a gift.  Only our King can turn such roaring tides, from sorrow into joy, from raging question into extending mercy.

She started to pray and yet the boulder weight of it brushed on her heart, leaking, without a sound down her cheeks.  She held my hands and whispered, “Sometimes your tears are the only prayer you could offer.”

Her pain triggered mine and I feel moved to unveil them before the strangest crowd I’ve ever been in.

I scrambled a few words to deliver a simple request.  Yet something took hold of me and I know the time has come.

I felt the shake vibrating from within that knocked my knees uncontrolably when I tried to manage to still their cries.

I felt the need to fish an anchor to steady the shake.  My two feet were curling around the chair to twirl myself still so that no one could hear the knees jerking and sinews knocking in fear overwhelming.

What that horror has been trying to impress upon me for the last two weeks I know are not meant to be bottled and corked up for my personal infliction.  Unveiled to the open, released the tension, let out the claustrophobic of such oppressiveness within you and reach out to the body of Christ for an unison of solidarity to braid prayers together to a cord of three strands.  Yes, three strands of voices lifting up the prayer requests on behalf of one other.  The horror no longer stayed as horror but a channel for all of us to admit that our Lord has once again caught my attention and I simply had to stay awake to press my ears to the ground to hear His footstep volumnizing, closing in.

I am still waiting for His moving hands etching His signature on my heart.  I rest my case onto Him knowing He has all the authority and dominions over all things, including visions with details that I know no interpretations, yet He has all things held in His hands.  I am rest assured that mine is not being exempted even in the midst of miles wide of silence.  I carry with me the fact that what He started in me has never once grown cold even when I find myself in miles long of distance from those whom I love and care much.

When the time dawned to come before the Lord with prayers, I could only utter a few words and if tears need to simply take over all the neurological senses to compile a supplication, then so be it.  I will let tears to drip and speak on my behalf for He is capable to use all things, even drops of sorrow, and turn them into praise and positions us closer to Himself alone!

Psalm 44:4-8

You are my King and my God,
who decrees victories for Jacob.
Through you we push back our enemies;
through your name we trample our foes.
I put no trust in my bow,
my sword does not bring me victory;
but you give us victory over our enemies,
you put our adversaries to shame.
In God we make our boast all day long,
and we will praise your name forever.


“Blessed are those who have regard for the weak;
the Lord delivers them in times of trouble.” Psalm 41:1

The Lord protects and preserves them—
they are counted among the blessed in the land—
he does not give them over to the desire of their foes.
The Lord sustains them on their sickbed
and restores them from their bed of illness.

I said, “Have mercy on me, Lord;
heal me, for I have sinned against you.”
My enemies say of me in malice,
“When will he die and his name perish?”
When one of them comes to see me,
he speaks falsely, while his heart gathers slander;
then he goes out and spreads it around.

All my enemies whisper together against me;
they imagine the worst for me, saying,
“A vile disease has afflicted him;
he will never get up from the place where he lies.”
Even my close friend,
someone I trusted,
one who shared my bread,
has turned against me.

10 But may you have mercy on me, Lord;
raise me up, that I may repay them.
11 I know that you are pleased with me,
for my enemy does not triumph over me.
12 Because of my integrity you uphold me
and set me in your presence forever.

13 Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel,
from everlasting to everlasting.





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