… so I know how to choose …

Lilias Trotter‘s September 13, 1899 journal entry ::

And there were the delightful twists of God’s ways, providing just what her spirit needed just when she needed it most.  She records an episode in which her plans for “one week alone with God” (preferably in a firwood!) were repeatedly foiled.  In a desperate plea to God –

to make me love His will whatever it is

– she resigned herself to yet another change of plan and set off to an untested location with reduced expectations:

“Away we drove into the darkness – on and on till deeper darkness began closing in – “Oh Lord it really is in the firwoods, I do believe” – it was so lovely – at least a mile out we stopped at a perfectly ideal little hotel – just opened this season – Everything as fresh – sweet – simple as can be – with my window opening on  to a great stone terrance with a bay of plain below, stretching right out to Mont Blanc – the firwoods beginning across the road at the back and stretching up to the top of the Eura.  It seemed as if the Lord were saying “so I know how to choose“.

Reading up on Lilias’ journal entry penned down 116 years ago strikes a loud chord in my heart!! The quiet desperate plea of mine to the Lord, “to make me love your will whatever it is“, is the definition of “surrendering”.  To not only make me surrender to His plan, but to make me LOVE His will whatever it is.

Into the 7th week now since we made our decision, every week was wrapped up by another layer of affirmation. The Spirit’s gentle leading us into another inner door of His will, there comes another door into more of His revelation.  There comes another invitation to trust all aspects of our future into His hands.  All things are being led into a rhythm of subtle yet steady vibration underneath our soles.  We can feel the earth stones are shifting.  Any conversations with anyone is now tinted by any new possibilities that send our hearts fluttering,

“What has just happened, Lord?”

“Are you doing what we thought You are doing?”

“Oh Lord, you have such a great sense of humor?  You are sometimes as prankish as much as You are sovereign.  Your prankishness gives us such delight that You are truly paying close attention to our lives.  All things, small and big, are in Your hands. You do know how to choose.


“19 When the living creatures moved, the wheels beside them moved;

and when the living creatures rose from the ground, the wheels also rose.

20 Wherever the spirit would go, they would go,

and the wheels would rise along with them,

because the spirit of the living creatures was in the wheels.

21 When the creatures moved, they also moved;

when the creatures stood still, they also stood still;

and when the creatures rose from the ground, the wheels rose along with them,

because the spirit of the living creatures was in the wheels.” Ezekial 1:19-21


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